he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
