i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
