Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
