i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
