its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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