Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
