I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
