Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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