moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
