hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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