There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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