I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
