There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
