before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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