the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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