Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
