Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
