he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
