I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
