you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Success! We fucked roommates!
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