dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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