he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
