Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
