my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
