when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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