oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
