sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
