Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
