I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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