i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
