A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
