I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
