suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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