I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
