yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
