I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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