i think my tv is drunk
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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