her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
