I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Are we still banned from the library?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
