Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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