whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
