you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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