I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so that wasnt chicken after all
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
