the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
