I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
