The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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