new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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