walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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