ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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