Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
