The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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