how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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