you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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